Tag Archives: Family

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Amendment 1: “Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state.”

– North Carolina law already prohibits same-sex marriage…. so what is this amendment for?

– This means that non-traditional couples who enter into civil unions will be just as valid as two children wearing BFF bracelets.

Now read the wording for the Amendment again. Now, lets put our heterosexual brains back on. **DING** much better, I hate to admit it but I’m not the biggest fan of thinking about other people. Now lets think how does this amendment affect me? I, though newly engaged am still, one of North Carolina’s 222,000 traditional unmarried couples. I’m not married, but I have been in this heterosexual relationship for a few years now. If this amendment passes my heterosexual-religious union is only Facebook Official, now what does that mean? What if I did have a kid, because sometime heterosexual couples spontaneously do that before they get married right? Birds & Bees.

So what would that mean for unmarried men and women in a committed relationship or bound together by children? It means that Amendment One could:

  • Invalidate domestic violence protections
    -Domestic Violence: violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women. Since the laws for domestic violence require the parties to be domestic partners or spouses this amendment will legally make domestic violence nonexistent or prosecutable in North Carolina.
  • Weaken child custody and visitation rights.
    -Sorry baby-daddies, if you didn’t marry her she’s automatically more fit of a parent than you are wheather she’s on drugs, sleeping around, abusive. Since you didn’t marry her that babe is 20000% hers.
  • Threaten the right of partners to decide major medical decisions for their partner.
    -Because your partner is not legally your partner. So your brother that you haven’t seen in years has more say on whether we pull the plug than someone who you have been with every day for the past 6 years.
  • Disallow second-parent adoptions undertaken to ensure unmarried parents have equal legal ties and financial responsibilities for any children they adopt together.
    – I like this part since you’re not legally bound to someone through marriage you can’t jointly adopt a child. So if your brother dies and leaves you and your significant other as godparents only one of you can adopt the child & only one of you will be allowed to make decisions, sign, and legally parent the child. Oh and if one of you gets sick or dies the other can legally let the child slip into an orphanage and never have any penalties for abandonment.
    – If you got pregnant before you’re married if something happens to the mother (like in childbirth or in a traffic accedent) the father is basically SOL when it comes to claiming his child even if he was there 100% or even 200%
  • Invalidate certain trusts, wills and end-of-life directives.

Please, If you don’t believe me, do your research. This Amendment has NOTHING to do with marriage, and everything to do with domestic civil unions. Domestic Civil Unions include dating relationships, friendships, fiance situations, blended families, and other understood union bonds created between people that aren’t courthouse approved marriages. So basically if he beats you but you never walked down the aisle, it’s not domestic violence. Or if you’ve been living together and one of you gets sick or dies, all of your stuff goes to whoever”s family had their name on it last. Oh and if your boyfriend decides to sue you for all the dinner dates he took you out on while you were dating and you decide to start seeing someone else. It most likely applies to you now or it will apply to your children in the future. What parent expects their child to get married to the first person who bats their eyes their way, for legal purposes. Come on, THIS is destroying marriage. Getting married not because of the commitment or the love but because if you don’t you’re taking a bigger risk than if you do. Silliness

At least for women like me, who like to rush into things, now we have a valid reason to.

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Amendment 1: Has Nothing To Do With Marriage

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The Are You Pregnant Game for Easter

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I went home for Easter Weekend. It was short but a very pleasant experience. I’ve been getting homesick lately and seeing my mother, father, and sister for the first time in a while was very refreshing.

We didn’t dye eggs like we did every year since we were kids. Instead my mother brought home hatching chicks. If you can see the metaphor and symbolism hidden in this gesture. Like I said, I find answers and meaning in the natural occurences around me. It was another one of those moments when I realize that I’m not a child anymore. Those moments always hurt my feelings when I’m around my parents. I can’t help it I just want to shout out “I’m your baby girl remember? I will always be your baby girl, read me a bedtime story, let me make you coffee in the morning & in the year 3012 we’ll be sitting here decorating eggs for Easter and laughing about the years when we were young” But reality says that this is not the case. I still want to be their little girl.

Sunday afternoon, my father took my sister back to school and I lingered around for another hour or so with my mom before I headed back home. Quick disclaimer, my mother is silly and was raised very conservative.

Minutes before I leave:

Mom: “When you first got here I thought you were losing weight but now it looks like your stomach is poking out. Are you pregnant?” As she says this she’s smiling like it’s her birthday and I’m about to hand over a present. We’ve been playing this Are You Pregnant game since I was in highschool. I can only assume it is because she knew I have been itching to start a family since I was in middle school but refrained from doing so, but my biological alarm clock went off half-way through my freshman year and continued to get louder as I progressed through highschool, and college. I don’t know how she knew but I’m sure she did somehow. So I play along as I always did.

Me: “Yes mom, I’m Pregnant. You got me”

Mom: “Really!!” And for the first time since we began playing the Are You Pregnant Game she seemed actually excited. Like she was actually hopeful that this game would be over and that I would give her the grandbaby that she’s been waiting for. She has three grandchildren but two of them lives DEEP in Texas and she never gets to see them and the other lives an hour away but only brings her children around my family for select holidays, New Years (unless her family is doing anything) and Fathers Day (Her father has passed, but sometimes she spends it with her mother) so it’s usually a once a year thing.

I think the age thing is getting to her too. I know what kind of grandmother she wants to be. It’s the same one that I want to be, the involved one. She had kids in the house since she was my age and up until August 2011 she has always had someone to take care of. It’s what she loves to do be around and take care of children. 42 years of always having a child (under 18) in the house and now that she had grandkids she doesn’t get to see them like she had dreamed.

She knows me. I love love love love love my family and will run home as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test and try to stay there for the duration of the pregnancy. 😀 It’s one of those unspoken understood things between she and I. My children will really know my parents like at least twice a month be around my parents. Maybe more. Most likely more. I may move back home with my parents.

So this was the first time that she sounded more excited about the prospects of me being pregnant. I don’t have the heart to tell her that we’ve stopped trying. It made me second guess waiting to try to conceive. She knows that we’re having trouble, and is trying to be hopeful that naturally not having natural periods doesn’t indicate that you’re indefinitely infertile. There’s a chance that she is just as scared as I am about my fertility.

Me: “No, not really. Geeze mom now things feel awkward.” and like that the game ended, verbally as it always did but it felt different. instead of looking relieved my mom looked a little disappointed but ticked to be talking to her adult daughter about babies now that it’s an actual prospect.

Her: “Don’t worry, just because it’s not happening yet doesn’t mean it wont ever happen” She added and element to the game. The reassurance. Who was she trying to reassure, herself or me?

She hugged me hard and sent me off on my 4 1/2 hour drive back home. My mother, Louisiana Catholic, is hoping that her unmarried daughter gets pregnant soon. That’s a lot to take in. Since she waited until my father and sister were gone and only moments before I left, I knew she’s been wanting to ask since I had arrived home.

Choosing to wait is so harder than it’s supposed to be. First I was waiting and the waiting was made easier because if I didn’t wait I would dissapoint my family with having this new addition. Now, I am waiting and the waiting is made harder because if don’t wait my family would celebrate the new addition.

For now, since it’s the weekday I’ll be going to class now, and worry about this stuff durring my next doctors appointments.