I want to say I see it but I really hardly do. If I stare at the slideshow long enough I know it’s there. Okay, I’m going back to crawling under my rock now. I just want to give up. All my life I have identified myself as a mother, I went to college to be a better mother, I go to the gym so I can be a better mother, I eat right so that I can be a better mother. I pray that my dreams are realized soon. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my self-proclaimed purpose in life.
Starting off to a crappy start. Finally tested this morning with an FRER. I wish I hadn’t. If there is a line there it is hardly there. I need a line thats TOTALLY there, from a distance 😦 I hope my little one is just a slow grower. Well I’m going to go crawl under a rock until something miraculous happens. TTYL
Just had to convince a Family Health Care Provider to let me have a HCG Beta done… Was kinda like brushing hair against the grain. I got the job done but it was so uncomfortable. It beats driving 5 hours one way to run a single blood test.
If all looks well I’ll be making monthly trips back home for my blood tests which isn’t bad. I miss seeing my parents regularly.
My boyfriend has been away all week! So he hasn’t been around during my faint positive pregnancy tests. He came back Saturday afternoon. I had to work Saturday Evening and the bakery is closed on Sundays.
Friday evening he promised me that he’ll take me to the bakery if I drove the proper speed back home (I had a doctors appointment). I also light-heartedly complain about all the blood they took from me for lab tests. He responds “You’re so full of life!” Referring to recent situation where I was hounded to be put on the bone marrow registry. Haha if he only knew how full of life I am at this moment! I respond “You’re right babe! I am!” I then proceed to ask him if it would be cool if my parents came up for Christmas (my estimated due date, but he doesn’t know that), he thinks it’s a wonderful idea and confirms it with his grandmother.
He was supposed to arrive at 11:00am but somehow he and his grandmother managed to add 5 hours to their trip and got back at 3:45pm. I had work at six but I agreed to pick him up from his parents and take him back home, we live about 45-minutes away.
He’s exhausted from the 6-hour drive he just made so he begins to insist that we go back to his place. I end up convincing him to go to my apartment first, just for a second. Then I have to convince him to just come on inside just for a second. We chat for a minute, he gives me so many gifts from his trip. I got an entire line of Vera Wang Accessories in the “Lime’s Up” print! I love it!!
I tell him that I have a gift for him and asks if he would like it before we dance around or afterwards. Hey, it’s been an entire week since we’ve seen each other 😉
He says after, like a man lol. About 3 seconds later (I’m kidding), we’re back to cuddling and he tells me how scared he was when he saw the couple in the jewelry store exchanging the woman’s engagement ring for something she actually wanted. He asks if I would like to go ring shopping with him soon. I politely decline his offer and tell him that whatever he has picked out for me I’m sure I would enjoy and love. I ask him again if he’s ready for his gift. He accepts and I go to the fridge and pull out a box.
“My gift is in the fridge?” He’s so confused. He knows I’m aware that he’s not the biggest fan of cakes or cookies. The box is tricky to open so he rotates the box to near catastrophe angles trying to figure it out. I watch in giggly horror, nervousness, excitement, awe, and wonder.
When he finally gets the box open he stares at it for a moment as if it was written in some sort of code he has to decipher.
“What does this mean?” He stares at it a little bit longer…
“Wait… are we pregnant?” He asks the question cautiously but knowing the answer to his own question.
By the time he got around to the realization on his own I was more intrigued at how blind-sighted he was from the announcement. Why did it take him so long to figure out what the cake meant? It has baby shoes on it for decor.
“Yeah babe, we’re having a baby.”
He gets very nervous and goes through about 390 million emotions in the span of about 5 seconds. I can see them all plain as day in his eyes.
“Are you happy about it?” I ask him since his facial expression was one of 390 million emotions. He kisses me as he did when we first told each other that we were in love. He hugs me and affirms “Yes, I’m very happy. 10 minutes ago I thought we were waiting, and now wow, it’s a lot all at one time. I’m so happy GCD, this is what we’ve been waiting for! I can hardly believe it. How far along are we?” I let him unravel, he has been making plans for the next year based on the assumption that we were going to take a break from trying to conceive. We hug it out and I rush off to work and give him the time he needs to soak it all in and to start thinking logically about everything.
Please Please Please Please let this be real! (My Test from 10dpo fell in a puddle of water on my bathroom floor!! so I can’t use it to compare!)