Every visit to the store brings new inspiration to my potential decorated apartment. My inner southern belle has realized my lack of personal holiday decor of the diamond variety that belongs on my hand.
My DB and I have been together exclusively for a total of three consecutive years and some odd weeks. Where I come from, the rule is if you want to be with her for the rest of your life you ask her to marry or someone else will. If you want to be together than you want to be together: the rest is for you to build on together. Three years later and no one else has.
In My Head:
– I feel unworthy
– I question the validity of our relationship
– I wonder where I’ve gone wrong
– I contemplate if its time for me to move on
In My Reality:
– My insurance wont pay for necessary infertility treatments until I’m married (AF hasn’t visited for 6+ months)
– I am the VERY last of my gal pals to get engaged but still hold the longest standing relationship
– I have been at the same level of adult financial, mental, and social maturity since 2008
– I’m tired of dating
– I’m tired.
The biggest thing is that even though AF hasn’t visited in such a long time I still can’t receive the tests or treatments that I need to ensure reproductive health. If I have no goal in life it is so produce strong healthy children. Every year I’m getting older and closer to the cut off date for my dreams to happen. All I need to get the darn tests is a ring on my finger or to pay for the services out-of-pocket. He knows this, I feel as though he secretly doesn’t want to ever have children which is why he’s waiting so long. He wants my bits to expire.
