Caught a cold. Not a terrible one but a cold none the less. Now for the good news!
My BF called to inform me today that he scheduled my next doctors appointment to evaluate my IF with his family doctor. The icing on the cake: His family has already decided to pay for the treatments and tests so I don’t have to worry about what my insurance doesn’t want to cover. Cherry on top: He scheduled it for November 11th 2011 at 11am. If that’s not a sign of a good omen I don’t know what is. LUCK LUCK LUCK
Since we can’t receive fertility treatments due to conservative insurance reasons we have switch from my name brand multis to taking GNC Ultra Mega Green Multivitamins and FertilityBlend. Also I have sort of started practicing yoga but I can’t seem to clear my mind and focus for an hour on my own. I’m not sure how accredited FertilityBlend is but GNC carries it so I guess it’s worth the shot.
Since I haven’t ovulated for many cycles and haven’t seen proof of AF it’s uplifting to notice some light changes. Feeling particularly in the mood today, and I haven’t in quite some time. Maybe this is a sign of mature eggs to come.
Every visit to the store brings new inspiration to my potential decorated apartment. My inner southern belle has realized my lack of personal holiday decor of the diamond variety that belongs on my hand.
My DB and I have been together exclusively for a total of three consecutive years and some odd weeks. Where I come from, the rule is if you want to be with her for the rest of your life you ask her to marry or someone else will. If you want to be together than you want to be together: the rest is for you to build on together. Three years later and no one else has.
In My Head:
– I feel unworthy
– I question the validity of our relationship
– I wonder where I’ve gone wrong
– I contemplate if its time for me to move on
In My Reality:
– My insurance wont pay for necessary infertility treatments until I’m married (AF hasn’t visited for 6+ months)
– I am the VERY last of my gal pals to get engaged but still hold the longest standing relationship
– I have been at the same level of adult financial, mental, and social maturity since 2008
– I’m tired of dating
– I’m tired.
The biggest thing is that even though AF hasn’t visited in such a long time I still can’t receive the tests or treatments that I need to ensure reproductive health. If I have no goal in life it is so produce strong healthy children. Every year I’m getting older and closer to the cut off date for my dreams to happen. All I need to get the darn tests is a ring on my finger or to pay for the services out-of-pocket. He knows this, I feel as though he secretly doesn’t want to ever have children which is why he’s waiting so long. He wants my bits to expire.